Ms. Bren Says, “There is Life after 50 and Divorce”

Life is what we make it. If you want to be miserable, so be it. If you want to be happy, make your own happiness. Don’t delay and start today!

women, 50, divorce, single

Do It Your Way or Not at All

Why would we want to do it another way? Because society says so?

This is where people become so unhappy in life. Trying to conform themselves to what is acceptable in society.

But if you think about it, at one time, these “norms” weren’t acceptable either.

BAck in the 50’s and 60’s

  • Women didn’t work. It was unacceptable

Woman’s place was at home tending to the housework and the children.

Nowadays, most women and men are working because we have to in order to provide for our families.

  • Women didn’t curse and if they did, they were tagged with names like “slut”, “floozy”, and so much more.
  • Women didn’t hang out with the man in their life.

If there was a get together at one’s house, the men usually sat in one room with the cigars, cigarettes, and booze and the women hang out in the kitchen.

It was inappropriate for women to be boisterous and loud while men could to their own obnoxious things.

  • Women did not get divorced. We were taught at a young age to get married, have children, and stand by your man.

While all along, the men could run around at all hours of the night with whomever they wanted and did not have to answer to the wife.

Times Have Changed

And for the better.

Times for me have changed as well.

I find myself divorced single at 50.

I don’t have anyone to answer to accept for myself (and of course, my dogs).

I do what I want when I want, and how I want (without ridicule of doing it wrong).

If I don’t feel like showering one day, I don’t.

I can sleep in knowing that I don’t need to rush to be somewhere because my partner isn’t a homebody.

I am my own person once again.

Mind You, Things can be tough when you’RE alone after 50

Not knowing if you’re financially able to keep the roof over your head or keep your transportation running smoothly can be a bit of an anxiety getter.

Things you once took for granted around the house have now become a burden to you and your wallet. You need to either learn how to fix things on your own or find reputable companies to service your needs (without being raked over the coals).

If you have children still at home, this can be yet another case of worrywart syndrome. Making sure you get child support and can tend to your children’s needs is key!

women, life, 50, divorce, single

Let us not forget our own needs!

  • Me time
  • Companionship
  • Girlfriends

These are all things one may worry about after 50 and being single. But, try not to let them stress you to the max like I did. It has taken me quite some time to get my act together, find a new me, and make my own happiness (minus the anxiety).

Once You Find Your New Rhythm

You’ll find happiness.

Helpful Tips

  • Don’t rush out to date again. Many do this. I did it for almost a year. I’m happy to say, I have been not dating for almost a year and am very happy where I am in life. Maybe someday I’ll date again but for now, I am happy with just me.
  • Try your best to set aside a bit of money. When owning your own home, things are going to break. Your lawnmower will need maintenance along with so many other appliances in your home. If you don’t have the cash, get a zero percent interest credit card and reserve for emergencies.
  • Find new friends that you have things in common. You may find you can’t relate to your married existing friends any longer or that due to the divorce, you’ve lost some friends. Don’t be afraid to make new ones.
  • Be sure to keep your head in your job. I failed at this when I was battling my anxiety. My job suffered. I took off work because I just couldn’t deal with life. I couldn’t get out of bed. Thankfully, I’m overcoming but it has been a long journey.
  • If you need to hibernate and have “you” time, do it. Don’t allow anyone to make you feel bad because you are enjoying your new found peace in your home. “You” time is imperative.

Lastly

Start a blog and make new acquaintances! There is a huge group of mid-life bloggers just waiting to be heard and to network with you. Get your blog. Set up a Facebook page for it. Get your Twitter going.

There is definitely Life after 50 and Divorce. Start making it happen today!

14 thoughts on “Ms. Bren Says, “There is Life after 50 and Divorce”

  1. It’s certainly a time to get to know yourself and find out what you want to do with the rest of your life…or at least the near future. I didn’t date for almost 5 years after my divorce. I took vacations by myself or with friends or with my son. I became a yoga teacher and went to yoga conferences. I learned cross-country and downhill skiing (turns out I don’t like downhill but loved cross-country!) And I sold my money-pit house and my son and I moved in with a friend and her son, which benefited us both financially. A few years later, I was able to buy my own condo, smaller than the house but more affordable with less upkeep on my part.

    1. Oh Wow, Jennifer! 5 years! You are my hero! Too many women (and men) think they need to get back out there and get back into a relationship. I’ll admit, there are times I wish I had a man around but just as long as he went home at night and when I said. 😉 You are amazing in all you have accomplished since your divorce. Do you think it would have been different if you didn’t have a child around? Just curious….. Rock on Jennifer! Always a pleasure to see you here and my apologies for my delay response. Muwah!

  2. You have a good take on being single later in life. I was alone for 18 years after my divorce and could have used some of this advice. Now in my second marriage, my husband has stomach cancer, and I have no idea how this is going to turn out. I do know I am better able to handle single life now.

    1. Thank you. I have sat and pondered the whole single thing in my later life and decided there are so many more things to embrace than to be upset about. I’m so sorry about your husband and hope that things work out for the best. I’ll definitely keep you and him in my prayers. But do know, you are never alone, even when you think you are. There are many of us out there in the prime of our lives that can do whatever we set our minds to. You are much stronger now, hon. Sending hugs your way.

  3. Bren, this is one of the most realistic, encouraging posts I’ve read on being 50 and divorced. The reality of the 50s and 60s marriage vs the new marriage relationships have left many of us wading through major changes. Staying in the moment and remembering ‘This too shall pass.’ is what helped me through. Creating a blog and eventually writing about the struggles, joys and triumphs helped me big time! Now we can encourage others going through the same. ❤ I’ll be sharing this on FB and Twitter tomorrow for #MLSTL.
    https://meinthemiddlewrites.com/2019/04/25/atozchallenge-april-world-holidays-letter-v/

    1. Thank you for your kind words, Mary Lou. I like to be “real” on my blog and sometimes it can be perceived in the wrong way, however, I’m not one to sugar coat. People, women, need to know that there is another life outside of a bad relationship. It may be a bit harder, but it is absolutely doable! You are absolutely right! “This too shall pass” is something I use as well. Blogging it all out can help and I’m happy it’s helped you! I appreciate you taking the time to comment and share. Popping over to your place to share some luv. Muwah xox

  4. Hi Bren! Great advice and I agree about not rushing out to date again. We don’t need to be defined by a partner but sometimes after a divorce or loss of a partner it is good to have time on our own to figure out what we really want from life. Reaching 50 and over, it is time to do things on our own terms and although divorce can be devastating (I’ve been there) it can also be an opportunity to grow as a person. Thanks for sharing at #MLSTL and have a great week. x

    1. Hey Sue! Thank you. I was soooo anxious to get out there and date. As soon as I filed for divorce, I started. Major mistake, or maybe not. Getting out there right away taught me (1) I wasn’t ready; (2) I needed to focus on M#; and (3) I didn’t need to be a “couple” to get through life. Quite frankly, I know quite a few in midlife that are now single and they prefer it. For now, I do. Not sure when I’ll be ready to take the leap. But, I do know, single, 50, and being a dog mom fits me more than being married and a dog mom. 🙂 I so appreciate your words of wisdom and am thankful for the #MLSTL hop! So many great women, like yourself, and so many great reads! Muwah! xox

  5. Bren you are so right about letting worry about what others think cloud our own needs. I’m not divorced, but I’m in the middle of figuring out life after 50 and a job resignation. Similar issues in figuring out who I am, finding Me-time, not judging myself too harshly…..and so much more. Life often throws us a curveball and you’re so right about choosing how we respond to it – and choosing happiness is vital.
    Thanks for linking up with us at MLSTL and I’ve shared on my SM 🙂

    1. Hey Leanne! I’m so happy you can relate, not by divorce, but by your own life-changing situation. I know it’s scary but can be exciting once you get past the fear. When I decided to get divorced, I knew I would be judged and lose “friends”. I didn’t care. I wanted my happiness and believe it or not, his. Now, we’re both happier. If you can’t be happy in life, what do you have? Thanks for sharing with us and passing onto SM. Muwah! xox

  6. I’m happy to read that you are settling into your new normal and finding yourself again. This world is full of unexpected happenings that change the trajectory of your life. The key to resilience, for me at least, is to be present with what is and not waste a lot of time and energy longing for what is not. Of course, that doesn’t mean that you don’t take time for mourning or resist sorrow or fear, but I try to toss out the “why me” and “if only.” #MLSTL

    1. Hey Christie! Thank you!! I love the way you look at things in life. Wasting time is just that, a waste, right? There is so much more to life than being in a bad relationship (married or committed relationship). Women tend to be more afraid of what people think than their own happiness. I want them to know, their happiness is key to survival. 😉

    1. Aww shucks. No really, I appreciate it. Brave or not, I just knew that there was more to life than what I was living. I wanted more for myself even if it meant being alone. Thank you for sharing with us and hope to see you soon!

Care to share with us?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.